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personally mine

I have sat here for 20mins staring at a blank screen. This never happens to me. I always manage to sit down, type and and hour later there’s a story! I never read my own work. I dont need to know what my imagination thinks – i live it every day. I use to not read WordPress either. I posted and left. Lately tho i have started reading those that I follow. I think i know whats wrong. Everything they post is personal experience. I dont post personal. I dont do it on WordPress and I dont do it on twitter. Its not been intentional. I started my twitter when i was in a sexless marriage so i could feel that having a sex drive wasnt a bad thing so it was all secret. So i kept it that way as it was easier. There was that distance and wall around me. No one could touch me. Emotionally or physically. That was just about 6 years ago. Now im on my 3rd twitter account and nothing has changed. No one truly knows me and I dont know whether to change that or not. I have to admit – i am shit scared at the thought! I can count on one hand how many people have my mobile number and i think i can say one person uses it. I suck at being a friend. I never text first. I have this crippling fear that i am annoying people or that they having something better to do than speak to me. But if you contact me i am the most loyaly, trustworthy, honest friend you’ll ever have.

So what do i do….?

Do i stay hidden and hope my imagination wishes to be put into words eventually…

Or do i show who i am and live in hope that i will be enough…..

 

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